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Bog Standard

Toilet humor has long been the reliable retreat of your Daily, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to learn that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “His footwear was missing and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college to access the restrooms during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking through the school like he owned the place.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room directly following the fixture, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past happened in the old toilets of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|